Evolutionary Turn

Baby I'm Amazed....

2005-07-04T15:42:00.000-05:00

I'm unsure why that song is in my mind...well, maybe I do.

I just finished reading the blog of a once upon a time "friend."

The words spewed forth, the deceit he has imparted in my direction is even more deeply wrought in his own direction, and now those deceits are for the world to read.

It is sad. Sad that he has created a tale which is so full of lies. Sad that he must manufacture "reasons" for his actions. I sorta wanna rebutt them, but, what's the use? The lieing - theiving - cheating oportunistic infection of a 20 something year old shell of a boy will go to any lenghts and let him believe what he wishes, let him extrapolate what he chooses from "Evidence" which is weak and a figment of his imagination or the result of the tenant or what he hoped he would find or who knows.

I never controlled him, he refused to make decisions. Not sure he really knows how to make a decision unless it is should I lie or tell the truth...lies seem to have won out on all fronts.

The events of one night he is weighing against 4 other years of days and nights and as a republican historian with revisionist skill, is reframing nearly 1600 days to suit his thieving of many, many thousands of dollars from me with the hopes of getting away with it scott free. Well, in this mortal coil, he may. He is not worth the effort on my part, to see he is put to justice. However, in his own spiritual path, he will reap this three fold and suffer more greatly than he can imagine. Not by my hand or dead, but by his own inability to understand and embrace truth.

I once wished him healing, I once wished him well on his path with his turd boyfriend. But seeing the foggy falacy this faggot feels free in makes me want to simply attempt to erase the memories and the time.

I am not so cold and stupid to be capable of this though. So I will smile when good thoughts come my way of him, and think of newer better times when my thoughts turn to that last despicable hour when I was left with nothing left to do but defend my physical self from his - I don't even know what it is since what I do know of him had been so deceptive and filled with an undercurrent of him trying to get as much from me as fast as he could and then beat a hasty retreat.

What I do know is this: I never would have enclosed the porch had he mentioned his aversion to it. He can open his mouth in firm resolve to strangers but was never a take control guy with anyone near him, his sister (who he theived from), his mother (yes, stole from her too), his father (yep, those light fingers worked with him in personal and professional capacities) (and why we are at it let's point out that he robbed every employer he ever had, including his sister and dad, and including his current job with the Wilson County Library, now ask yourself, can you truly find credability in one who theives from a library?)...As a yankee even, I could have understood that (porch thing), but if he never shared his apprehension after viewing myriad drawings, plans and discussions of visions how was I to know? How was I to build the next wing of the house with a porch in the middle of it without first cloing it in? Did the drawings, plans and discussions with a new, bigger, wrap-around porch tell him anything?

Perhaps I did call him stupid...you steal from a library and see what I call you.

I dare you.

FRAMING: it's all in the framing

2005-04-22T11:56:00.000-05:00

Well, happy Earth day...not so for me. Tale two (see below) took a decided shift....fists to cuffs. A pleasant evening turned ugly when i refused to buy into verbal attacks and then pouring of beverage on me. When he demanded my departure, I got a bit ticked so decided to take the phone line out of commission....I was going to be damned if he was going to suck me dry in the financial arena any longer, he threatened me "if you do, so help me..." a gun was mentioned and then he came at me with a pipe (vacuum metal wand) and would not get off me....

I believe his anger, which he said was reflecting mine -ha,was from his frustration that I was all loving kindness and there was no anger. I was not going to get sucked into anger and make it easier for him to justify the lies and deceit which has been going on A LOT longer than I imagined.

Now the fight did ensue, me mostly trying to escape his constraints and blows. But when he scratched and twisted my ankle (on my final attempt at escape) causing me to fall, I was in such searing pain I lost it....he says I bit him, but I have no idea what went on. I just wanted to be free.

He is now playing victim (funny how an armed security guard trained in physical combat to put a man thrice his size down, armed with a pipe can be the victim) pointing to his owies as my abuse....who had been abused, deceived and neglected? who was really abused? The sacred bond of love was abused.

So I heal, and I wish him healing, he is too weak to do with out the universes help, but I will recycle this 4 years and reuse the joy and deduce my ability to trust, once more.

Taken for a Ride

2005-04-16T00:39:00.000-05:00

This is a tale, a tale of two tales...quite possibly more...the jury remains out.

I fell in love. And it was unlike any of the things I thought love was like. Still scarey and I still wanted to go the road slowly.

But it seems to be ending much more difficultly than any other. Is it because i do not open up? Is it because I am so fucking afraid of bearing my soft fussy under belly? No, it is because of deception.

I have been kidnapped and taken for the longest most grueling ride of my life. (One of them, recall this is a tale of two tales, recent) a fellow could get car sick from all this travel.

Separation...let's start with the short one....dude I 'met' on line read a blog entry of mine which really was a simple refridge magnet poem. The poem was about tale two. The dude gets all ego puffed, thinking and quite possibly believing it was about him. Ha! I said. How about a little less professtation about low self esteem and cranking that ego down a notch or three or more.

Turns out the group we 'met" in is so not what I had expected, though...so I left it, I didn't leave him, I left the group...yet dude insists i left the group because of he...took it all personal like...dude needs a clue phone by his bed.

He even went so far as to claim I didn't like the answers to his 20 questions...right...like I give two rats asses and a snick'rs bar. Although his professtations of honesty leave much to be desired....the dude is full of shastakovich. if that is bearing one's soul....he will do well in the tundra.

the longer more grueling trip requires a pause for ponder...

Yes, I fell in love, me who loves all, me who has been called a creature of love who sweats love, singled it out for the first time in my life. And as a result isolated from much of the joy I normally have, for the sake of the love. I worked my tail off for this love, I don't take to working hard at all, most things flow with me, but this was tough stuff here, this was sacrifice and compromise and fucking torture. And it was not wort it, not at all.

He has left me for a younger cuter thing. He has taken up with a meth addict, and I don't care what he says, one an addict, always an addict...unless he is seeking help which he isn't.

He is a liar he is a scoundrel and he will distract from the truth by trying to point fingers elsewhere...he already did it. He came into our home and divided and conquered, and I don't think it even mattered to him which one was left by the side of the road and which one he lured in his trap.

You are rebound guy and he will get bored with you surely as you got bored with the hard work this relationship has been with us.

Perhaps the most difficult thing to hear in the course of our discourse was "I can't wait to throw things out again." Well I am pleased you started with me...I guess I really am too much clutter.

Takin' the 4-legger on a Medatative Stroll

2005-04-13T11:41:00.000-05:00

My meditative walk brought this post...I am wowed...now who's next?

Realized when I got back I spelled legger, leffer...so like that, I changed it, I eliminated the thread and posted it again with the correction. That's how I believe I envision this process going down. Enough of those meandering around will finally just change it, their minds, their ways, their priorities.

I tend to use meta-4 a lot and in truth I took the name meta-4 as my first chosen name...people resisted...kept calling me my given name...including the last name which in the faerie community is kinda weird. Especially weird is that the literal meaning of my last name is, man of Christ.

When I saw the spell err on my return, I thought, what a beautiful action/visual metaphor. Eliminate the wrong and present the new. Folks who may have seen the first thread would be particularly startled by this at first. it was startling to me to think I had the power to do that. We all have the power of our mind, our thoughts, our loving kindness to pust global transformation to the edge and up to the pentultimate level of how evolved we can be.

Another metaphor of the day was the driving rain this morning and now blue sky, nice breeze sunny and happy reigns. (there's some homonyms there) The paradigm shift looks to me just how today did. It was miserable and bleck and now it is not, just like that, voila, beauty, pleasantness and idyllic.

It is that easy, that quick and that satisfying in my minds eye.

Making Chicken Soup.(the 51 photos-51 friends version)

2005-04-13T11:40:00.000-05:00

It was a rainy morning in TN, so I decided to make chicken soup....never a great pantry guy...most people are astonished by looking at my raw materials and seeing the results which spring forth from the kitchen, with me guided by some unseen hand, some nebulous force....sometimes I am even amazed and not even sure how it happened, knowing the fair amount of nothing I generally start with. I love cooking and being in the kitchens of a lot of people I know. Especially those that are the pantry gal or the pantry guy I somehow am not.

Started with some leftover foul and day old rice. Added an onion, 5 cloves of garlic and a carrot and a half(? who keeps a half a carrot in their bin de veggie-guess who?) Little parsley, sage, oregano, dill, stirred up the pot and tryied not to spill. Then the simmer time ensued, the time I took to enjoy the climatic changes the day had suddenly bestowed and perambulated with the pooch.

Now the big test...the second had arrived to taste. Hummmm, I thought, smiling from the walk, the sunshine and moist new spring air still fresh in my nostrils, my pallet cleansed by that for certain. Spooning out some broth, then a little more I brought the cup to my lips and embrased the results. Not there yet.

So I tidied up a little (a very little, I'm also the guy who, while not sloppy in the kitchen, does utilize many tools and utensils, plates and knives-and I use a smally, small kitchen). Then out came the lemon, salt and the pepper, some broccoli and even more garlic. Wrote the first comment to this thread and tasted again. Eureka!

While I was busy, here, the kitchen and on the walk, a new friend from Prague joined Tribe and my friends list and I had yet another Eureka moment still enjoying my broth. Tribe has grown from San Francisco and metropolitan US based to a web like blanket on the continent and globe. Tribe still needs more something.

If everyone here and everyone on Tribe invited friends from continents they have traveled to or have hosted from other lands, invite them here and ask them to invite their friends in their lands and friends they have met while abroad. We see where we've come from to here and now, let's see how really far we can reach to erase all the fraud.

Making Chicken Soup. (the 51 photos-51 friends version)

Easter Egg Hunt

2005-04-12T22:28:00.000-05:00

Had an interesting day.

a blogbud wrote a great post on his blog today and in it he placed an Easter Egg! The Egg will take you to a place where some of my writing is too.

Happy hunting!

http://plebuspatria.blogspot.com/

....................Garden of Never.....................

2005-04-10T13:34:00.000-05:00

boy shot my love
ripped an ache
in my breast
a void___________________enormous

light is out

then Is gone

Take Me Into Evolving

2005-04-08T21:28:00.000-05:00

A day passes, an aged pontificating Polish person is put to his crypt. Other people die in actual and metaphorical ways while all eyes (minus mine and in all likeliness yours) gaze and oggle the newest spectacle in the always spectacular Roman tradition.

When in Rome....well, look around at those drooling masses, are they there? NO they are not. There are crops to sow and babies to feed and hungry people reaching out a hand in need - in Rome and all around the globe.

The precepts of Democracy have some roots in the land where the pope lay still...and still the ideas and concepts of democracy have not fully been realized and fail to take a firm hold. Is there a valid reason why not?

Let's look at and disect the fundamentals, shall we? (and recall we have a theme here leading up to and beyond Terra Time - Earth Day for those who may have just tuned in) Reduce the spectacle a single event becomes...bemindful of the daily struggles outside of the spectacle, the daily chores and the daily joy. Reuse the knowlege of past fall shortedness and allow the logical next step to have form in mind so that it may spring forth in solid form. Recycle the dead guy, don't store his shell in a box...let the dust become dust -to again nourish the starving blue marble which has been cheated of vitality... all for the archaic idea that the body needs to be in cold storage, stagnant and hermetic.

Eunice...You-Ness...You-nice!

2005-04-07T09:59:00.000-05:00

Playing around with words is always fun. If you can add sounds, even better. Try saying the name Eunice in your screamingest queenly falsetto and you will get the picture.

I get a more than a little grousey when I read men's claims to be strait acting, strait appearing (and let's not forget UB2-nothing like U2, I assure thee). I really don't know what that means. I have nearly always in my adult life maintained a quality of me-ness and I generally seek folks who exhibit tendencies toward you-ness. I don't really act like me, it just is a given. I can tell however, if the b.s. cutter througher* is working well, when someone is acting like anything they are not inherently comfortable with and that is usually someone elses-ness.(a little green with envy, mayhaps)

You get a heapin' helping of you to start with, why not go with it. Forge your identity for you, not your dad, mom, teachers, parish priest or wrestling coach. (is that too telling?) When you have a good idea of what and who you are, where and what you want to be becomes a much easier undertaking...it then is a matter of weeding out the else-nesses which were ill fitting or clashed with your forced smile anyway...throw the weeds of else-ness on the compost with the b.s. and you know what you get. (no, not turd blossoms)

This concept of you-ness is not new...we value (there's that word again, don't make me come back there...) or so we claim individuality, uniqueness and personal rights, space and time. In keeping with Gaian Gala theme (Earth Day) where do you see you-ness lacking around you? Government and politics are the first you-ness anemic things I can think up. Most models for business and corporate climbing (the ladder, the ladder) is laden with other-ness as well. So do the planet a favor and try and reduce, the number of people in charge who are other-ness, recycle them to other pursuits (I'm thinking on this and can only come up with Chuck E Cheese) anything that other-ness may be a requesite...like team mascot, or any of the Disney characters walking around in costumes at theme parks. And re-use your right to a government by the people....get active, get loud, but don't allow for Eunice to be executed or left to die.

*patent pending....act now and we will throw in a nifty pocket watch

Count Down to Earth Day

2005-04-06T22:27:00.000-05:00



I've been described as resource defending. I don't know about that, but I am mindful of my impact on the planet. We often hear about the 3 R's - Reduce-Reuse-Recycle, yet how many of us actually reuse things as a first step in lessoning our personal impact?

With Earth Day 2005 a mere 16 days away, I am going to try and touch on ways we can all personally do more without having to go crazy, afterall, our personal energy is a resource which needs to be conserved for important things as well.

Free Water: When I lived in a home with a basement, I needed a dehumidifyer to keep the moisture in the space at a minimum since the town was pretty much built in a flood plain. The full bucket of water I could harvest every other day (or daily if it was a particularly humid time of the year) was used for something, either watering plants, flushing the toilet or just dumping it into the washer when doing a load of clothes. While the 1 and a half gallons doesn't seem like a lot, it is more when you think of it in these terms: it is pure, it wasn't put through the local water treatment or the town water system so it in essence frees up that water for other things and lessens the burden on the water infrastructure in the municipality.

One small drop for a homowner, one bigger gulp for the planet.

So an intro may be in order? I'll have to get back to you on that.

2005-04-06T14:13:00.000-05:00

I am new to this entire blogiverse thing (besides simply reading them), as a result I am having techno dificultius(sic). I initially got a blog (as I mentioned in my first post below-or to the right, wherever it is) quite some time ago to simply post a response/comment to some one's blog. Many moons passed and today I wished to post a comment on another blog and again I needed a blog to do so, so I found this blog, actually posted, made my comment and off to the races I was.

Seemed like a lot to go through to post a comment until i got to thinking....I got stuff to say, I had to create a blog to say it as a comment, why not actually use the blog itself for the platform it is intended to be....the universe conspires in mysterious ways, and who was I to ignore the call.

It is obvious to me that since I have found my voice the universe wants me to use it...so it might take something bigger to get me to shut up at this point... now only to make it through Mercury Retrograde and I'll be all set.

Since I failed to get a snappy in my profile....

2005-04-06T10:17:00.000-05:00

Not quite my native element.

Giving the turn a push.

2005-04-06T08:38:00.000-05:00

Created this ages ago, then the title didn't set well with me, but now I thought of a sidebar and that would be:

"Rants in the Key of 'C'"

today's song goes something like this...

First off there is that word "Values," it has been seemingly hijacked, but there it is.)

I dunno, I'm struggling with all of this madness coalescing: the lies, the deceit, the fighting, the puddles of skin walking around believing it all while giving them more and more money for this madness and then there is the money... the vast amounts of money squandered...and money is simply a tool reflective of resources so it is the squandering of resources...which chaps my ass most.

on to the rant......

Getting in our two cents worth...

In case you hadn't noticed, boys and girls, two cents is not worth the shiny it is stamped on.

I walk this planet (where the infamous "this land is your land, this land is my land" lay) multiple times daily with a 4 legger the same color (ish) as that shiny

but when ever I see a penny, I pick it up...less to do with luck and more to do with paying attention...it has nothing to do with the value of the penny either, but never the less, I pick it up

I was with a fellow craftsman the otherday crossing the creek to get to his house, shiny-colored 4-legger leading the way, when I caught a glimpse of shiny. Shiny turned out not to be a penny, but a partially burried roll of quarters, paper decayed and long gone, my friend remarked on my luck, it was his yard after all, but this still is not about luck or the face value, ten dollars, it is about paying attention, and we picked up the coins, rinsed off the soil and muck, and divided them between us.

I keep wondering about the nine billion dollars the U.S. Occupation authority in Iraq is unable to keep track of and I wonder If I should not be in Iraq right now, walking the shiny colored 4-legger in the sands and heat. I bet I could catch a glipse of where it's elusive hiding place may be, the shiny gleaming in the hot sunlight. In fact, I bet I don't even have to be in Iraq to find it.

I will then clean off the muck and slime and divide it as I divided the roll of quarters, enough for everyone to be able to put in their 2005 value of two cents to the American government, will this be enough voices, will this even be enough shiny? This may have more to do about luck AND paying attention, than I had originally thought.

(the ringing sound you hear? It's either the clue phone or the sound of the shiny as they put it in their pocket, not yours. Why can I hear it even so far away? Because I am paying attention.)

~synonym